I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
