Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
