so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
