Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
