I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
