Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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