She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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