I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
