Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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