What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
