'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
