i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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