Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Shame is for Republicans.
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