But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
