Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
