i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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