Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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