i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Floor bacon is actually really good
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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