i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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