I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
tell me about the fingering
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