you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
