at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
