he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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