I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
