Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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