The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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