On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
