I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
