I just made out with a guy for $7.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BRING THE BAGELS
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