If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
