I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
