Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
