i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
