it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
