My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
