College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
