thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
