i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
