also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
