Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
