I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
