somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.