i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
