I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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