wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
