Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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