Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
