I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
