i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
