Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
