Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
