Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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