we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
