please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
