The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
