Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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