At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
