You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
