I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
