bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize