i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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