I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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