I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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