New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
