is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My feet surprised me
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