If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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