Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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