Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
