is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
