I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
