the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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