Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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