I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
