i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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