So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
