Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
false alarm. still invincible.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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