Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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