How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
