did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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