shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I look better un-naked...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
