I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
